Practical Ways of Improving Your Self Esteem -
Part 1
By Roy
Thomsitt
Having a low self esteem can arise for many and complex
reasons, and different causes may require different remedies.
However, there are some common themes amongst those who suffer
from a lack of self esteem, and alongside them come some
partial solutions which, when brought together, may help you to
start increasing your self regard. Once you start that process,
it can then become a much easier task to eliminate your low
self esteem altogether.
It can sometimes be very difficult to view yourself in a
detached and critical way, without emotion intervening, and
that is especially so if your self esteem is not at a tolerable
level. However, it can be a great help if you can devote some
initial time in self examination, and to find if there is a
pattern to your feelings. If you can pinpoint those moments
when your esteem is, in your eyes, at its lowest, and also at
its highest, you will probably find some clues as to how you
may improve the way you feel.
Something very important to remember is that, although you
may not think too highly of yourself at any one moment, others
may see you differently and more positively. In fact, everybody
will see you from different angles, and with different results.
You are an individual, and so is everyone else; what that means
is you have a self image and a different image to everyone else
you ever meet. That image is one you make into what you want,
if approached in the right way and with patience.
How differently you may appear to others can be quite
stunning, when compared to the way you feel. Once on a
management course I had to do a mock presentation to a senior
executive, based on quite a large volume of reading material.
It was February in England, and I had just come back to work
that day after 2 weeks of flu, commuted for over 2 hours, and
felt awful. What was more overwhelming was that my personal
life was in emotional turmoil, and was about all I could think
of. I felt dire, but had to do the presentation, and to make it
worse, have it videod and then criticised by others on the
course, plus lecturers.
When I watched that video, sitting with the “jury”, I could
not believe I was watching me. I had felt terrible, but came
across as calm, knowledgeable and in full control. I never once
obviously referred to my notes, whereas others had. Yet I knew
there were others on the course far more able than I.
There are a couple of lessons that can be learnt from
this:
Firstly, I saw for the first time how differently you may be
viewed from outside of yourself, and it is always worth bearing
in mind that others in your life may be thinking very
positively of you.
Secondly, what carried me through on that occasion was
simply my memory. My “natural” memory was not good, so when I
had first started professional studies, I had bought a manual
on improving memory. That was the only reason I could appear so
confident to others, when I, quite frankly, felt like death
warmed up.
What, then, can you do with those two lessons? As far as the
way others see you is concerned, try to spend some time
focusing on the way different people react to you, and
concentrate on those who are very positive and seem to like
you, and respect you. It is a privilege to be liked and
respected, so you are entitled to make the most of it and
appreciate it. Try to see yourself the way they see you. If you
feel happiest with those people, or even one of them, then try
to understand why. If the opportunity arises, have yourself
recorded on video with these people in a natural setting, just
a home video. Better still, make that opportunity arise. Then
watch that video and learn; see yourself happy and at your
height in confidence. You will not be the person you feel
inside.
If you find there is a part of your life, such as work
environment, where your self esteem is lowest, then work on
building your confidence with the aim in mind of leaving that
environment. A fresh start with people you have never even met
before can be an ideal time to “reinvent” yourself. The
important thing, though, is to make the most of the positives
in your current situation, and give them greater emphasis. Over
time, you can work on minimising or eliminating the
negatives.
When it comes to memory, that is a skill that can be applied
in just about any situation. Used discreetly and naturally,
without showing off, a good memory can make a very positive
impression on others, and enhance your own life in many
ways.
This low self esteem
article was written by Roy Thomsitt,
owner and part author of the Routes
To Self Improvement website.
Do you want to learn to be a success
in all aspects of your life? You can,
and you can learn online at Success
University. Enroll for a free
trial now.
Practical Ways of Improving Your
Self Esteem - Part 2
By
Roy Thomsit
In the previous article on improving
self esteem, I discussed the way that
other people will not see you the way
you see yourself; I also introduced the
notion that improving your memory can
be an aid to increasing your confidence
and self esteem. By recognizing both
those factors, you could havehave two
tools that you can make use of, as you
work on the task of improving your self
esteem over the coming months.
In this article, I will look in a
bit more detail at ways you may be able
to set about, methodically, improving
your self esteem over time. Bear in
mind, there is no overnight solution,
and there may be set backs along the
road, even if you make initial
progress.
Shifting the Balance of Self
Esteem
To simplify matters, let us say that
your self esteem is a balance between
negative and positive impressions you
may of yourself. The chances are that
your own imbalance is not extreme.
Perhaps 45% positive and 55% negative
is a typical case, just for the sake of
illustration.
By thinking of the problem in that
way, it is kept in perspective. Do not
think that you have to go from 0%
positive to 100% positive. That would
be a gargantuan task. In the
illustration, there is a 10% gap
between negative and positive, and it
is enough to make you feel quite low
about yourself. Remember, though, the
good thing about a balance is that to
find equilibrium, you do not have to
move the full 10%. A 5% improvement on
the positive side will reduce the
negative side by 5%, bringing about a
50/50 balance. In such a case, you
would notice a significant improvement
in your self esteem.
If you are aiming to improve your
self esteem, you can divide your
approach into two fronts: expanding the
positives and reducing the negatives.
By so doing, you can eventually shift
the balance in favour of the positive
self through your own efforts.
Expanding The Positives In Your
Self Esteem
In reality, there is an infinite
amount you can do to make your self
image more positive. Here are just a
few suggestions which you may be able
to build on.
1. Having examined the occasions,
situations, places and people, with
which you feel most comfortable and
positive, consider what changes you can
make to spend more time in that
environment. You need to expose
yourself to as much of these positive
influences as possible.
2. If any of those positive
environments relates to some sort of
interest, hobby or expertise, try to
expand your knowledge in that area. For
example, you may love gardening and
feel happy chatting to a couple of
neighbours in particular about gardens,
plants and flowers. In such a case, you
could easily increase your knowledge
and deepen your interest, and join a
local gardening club that meets once a
week or more.
Once settled in your new club, you
could then encourage your two gardening
neighbours to join you. That way, you
will be getting more positive exposure,
feel the benefit of taking the
initiative, and also expand your
knowledge of what is a popular
discussion topic.
The time you spend with other
gardening enthusiasts will be positive,
and take over time and space which
might otherwise have been negative,
taking you that little bit closer to
the negative/positive balance. You can
apply that example to just about any
hobby, interest, or area of
expertise.
3. It is likely that your working
environment is a breeding ground for
your lack of self esteem. I say that
simply because much of your waking time
is spent at work. Ask yourself what the
most positive aspects of your job and
the working environment are, and then
consider what you may be able to do to
make them more prominent.
For example, is there an aspect of
the job for which others seem to hold
you in high regard? Do people seek your
advice on that topic? If so, try to
encourage people to seek your advice
even more, and show that you welcome
it. At the same time, continue to build
knowledge in that area of the work, and
in others you think colleagues might
later benefit from your increased
knowledge. In so doing, though, remind
yourself regularly that those people
who are approaching you, do so because
they respect your knowledge and
opinion. Try to see yourself as they
see you.
4. As a general rule, have an
education plan for yourself so that,
regardless of age, you are always
growing as a person. Study aspects of
self improvement, such as success
strategies, alongside improving your
knowledge and ability related to your
chosen career path. All the time you
will be building your own character,
which in itself will help with your
self confidence.
5. Use visualization to help you
achieve the outward personality you
would like others to see, and for you
to see in yourself. Combined with
meditation and relaxation techniques,
visualization can be a very powerful
mental tool when used regularly and
consistently.
6. In conjunction with 5, sit down
and make a plan to achieve a more
positive self esteem and reach your
personality goal. 5 years is a sensible
time period to cover, but you will be
able to work on parts of your plan
immediately. Be determined that your
plan will be implemented and become an
integral part of your life.
Reducing the Negatives in Your
Self Esteem
Having carried out the self
examination discussed in Part you can
also set about reducing the negative
influences on your self esteem. Such
influences can be in the form of
individuals, groups of individuals, a
work routine, a job or any other part
of your life. Here are a few
suggestions:
1. If one or more of the negative
influences relate to your job, then
bear that in mind when working on your
plan. A more amenable job, even a new
career, could make the world of
difference to you. A fresh start in a
new environment can make a big
difference, and you can make the most
of it, especially if you grasp the
notion that you have an opportunity to
project a new image, to people who do
not know you.
It is best not to rush into the new
job, but to plan what you need to do to
get the new job you desire and
need.
2. If you have "friends" or
relatives who seem to drag you down for
any reason, try to ease them out of
your life. You have the right not to
spend time with people who are a
negative influence on your confidence
or happiness.
3. If it is feasible, go travelling.
By travelling, I do not mean going on a
routine vacation with a lot of
holidaymakers. That's not travelling.
Try to go to a completely different
type of country and culture, maybe a
third world country, off the usual
holiday track, but somewhere with the
reputation of being hospitable. Go
alone, and the people will welcome you,
and see you as someone very special;
they may even treat you like a prince
or princess. In one fell swoop, you
will be eliminating all the negative
influences in one move, at least for 2
or 3 weeks.
Three weeks away in a different
world should also gift you with a
different perspective on life. You may
well find that new perspective, when
carried back home, will increase your
confidence. Once you know you can be an
adventurer, you may have the courage to
carry that into other areas of your
life.
The above, of course, are just a few
ideas for a mild case of low self
esteem. Extreme cases may require
direct professional help. However, by
utilizing some of the ideas from the
two articles, you may at least get the
process underway to increase your self
esteem to a more pleasant level.
This
low
self
esteem
article was
written by
Roy
Thomsitt,
owner and
part author
of the
Routes To
Self
Improvement
website.
Do you want
to learn to be
a success in
all aspects of
your life? You
can, and you
can learn
online at
Success
University.
Enroll for a
free trial
now.
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