Practical Ways of Improving Your Self Esteem - Part 1
By Roy Thomsitt 

Having a low self esteem can arise for many and complex reasons, and different causes may require different remedies. However, there are some common themes amongst those who suffer from a lack of self esteem, and alongside them come some partial solutions which, when brought together, may help you to start increasing your self regard. Once you start that process, it can then become a much easier task to eliminate your low self esteem altogether.

It can sometimes be very difficult to view yourself in a detached and critical way, without emotion intervening, and that is especially so if your self esteem is not at a tolerable level. However, it can be a great help if you can devote some initial time in self examination, and to find if there is a pattern to your feelings. If you can pinpoint those moments when your esteem is, in your eyes, at its lowest, and also at its highest, you will probably find some clues as to how you may improve the way you feel.

Something very important to remember is that, although you may not think too highly of yourself at any one moment, others may see you differently and more positively. In fact, everybody will see you from different angles, and with different results. You are an individual, and so is everyone else; what that means is you have a self image and a different image to everyone else you ever meet. That image is one you make into what you want, if approached in the right way and with patience.

How differently you may appear to others can be quite stunning, when compared to the way you feel. Once on a management course I had to do a mock presentation to a senior executive, based on quite a large volume of reading material. It was February in England, and I had just come back to work that day after 2 weeks of flu, commuted for over 2 hours, and felt awful. What was more overwhelming was that my personal life was in emotional turmoil, and was about all I could think of. I felt dire, but had to do the presentation, and to make it worse, have it videod and then criticised by others on the course, plus lecturers.

When I watched that video, sitting with the “jury”, I could not believe I was watching me. I had felt terrible, but came across as calm, knowledgeable and in full control. I never once obviously referred to my notes, whereas others had. Yet I knew there were others on the course far more able than I.

There are a couple of lessons that can be learnt from this:

Firstly, I saw for the first time how differently you may be viewed from outside of yourself, and it is always worth bearing in mind that others in your life may be thinking very positively of you.

Secondly, what carried me through on that occasion was simply my memory. My “natural” memory was not good, so when I had first started professional studies, I had bought a manual on improving memory. That was the only reason I could appear so confident to others, when I, quite frankly, felt like death warmed up.

What, then, can you do with those two lessons? As far as the way others see you is concerned, try to spend some time focusing on the way different people react to you, and concentrate on those who are very positive and seem to like you, and respect you. It is a privilege to be liked and respected, so you are entitled to make the most of it and appreciate it. Try to see yourself the way they see you. If you feel happiest with those people, or even one of them, then try to understand why. If the opportunity arises, have yourself recorded on video with these people in a natural setting, just a home video. Better still, make that opportunity arise. Then watch that video and learn; see yourself happy and at your height in confidence. You will not be the person you feel inside.

If you find there is a part of your life, such as work environment, where your self esteem is lowest, then work on building your confidence with the aim in mind of leaving that environment. A fresh start with people you have never even met before can be an ideal time to “reinvent” yourself. The important thing, though, is to make the most of the positives in your current situation, and give them greater emphasis. Over time, you can work on minimising or eliminating the negatives.

When it comes to memory, that is a skill that can be applied in just about any situation. Used discreetly and naturally, without showing off, a good memory can make a very positive impression on others, and enhance your own life in many ways.

This low self esteem article was written by Roy Thomsitt, owner and part author of the Routes To Self Improvement website.

Do you want to learn to be a success in all aspects of your life? You can, and you can learn online at Success University. Enroll for a free trial now.

Practical Ways of Improving Your Self Esteem - Part 2
By Roy Thomsit

In the previous article on improving self esteem, I discussed the way that other people will not see you the way you see yourself; I also introduced the notion that improving your memory can be an aid to increasing your confidence and self esteem. By recognizing both those factors, you could havehave two tools that you can make use of, as you work on the task of improving your self esteem over the coming months.

In this article, I will look in a bit more detail at ways you may be able to set about, methodically, improving your self esteem over time. Bear in mind, there is no overnight solution, and there may be set backs along the road, even if you make initial progress.

Shifting the Balance of Self Esteem

To simplify matters, let us say that your self esteem is a balance between negative and positive impressions you may of yourself. The chances are that your own imbalance is not extreme. Perhaps 45% positive and 55% negative is a typical case, just for the sake of illustration.

By thinking of the problem in that way, it is kept in perspective. Do not think that you have to go from 0% positive to 100% positive. That would be a gargantuan task. In the illustration, there is a 10% gap between negative and positive, and it is enough to make you feel quite low about yourself. Remember, though, the good thing about a balance is that to find equilibrium, you do not have to move the full 10%. A 5% improvement on the positive side will reduce the negative side by 5%, bringing about a 50/50 balance. In such a case, you would notice a significant improvement in your self esteem.

If you are aiming to improve your self esteem, you can divide your approach into two fronts: expanding the positives and reducing the negatives. By so doing, you can eventually shift the balance in favour of the positive self through your own efforts.

Expanding The Positives In Your Self Esteem

In reality, there is an infinite amount you can do to make your self image more positive. Here are just a few suggestions which you may be able to build on.

1. Having examined the occasions, situations, places and people, with which you feel most comfortable and positive, consider what changes you can make to spend more time in that environment. You need to expose yourself to as much of these positive influences as possible.

2. If any of those positive environments relates to some sort of interest, hobby or expertise, try to expand your knowledge in that area. For example, you may love gardening and feel happy chatting to a couple of neighbours in particular about gardens, plants and flowers. In such a case, you could easily increase your knowledge and deepen your interest, and join a local gardening club that meets once a week or more.

Once settled in your new club, you could then encourage your two gardening neighbours to join you. That way, you will be getting more positive exposure, feel the benefit of taking the initiative, and also expand your knowledge of what is a popular discussion topic.

The time you spend with other gardening enthusiasts will be positive, and take over time and space which might otherwise have been negative, taking you that little bit closer to the negative/positive balance. You can apply that example to just about any hobby, interest, or area of expertise.

3. It is likely that your working environment is a breeding ground for your lack of self esteem. I say that simply because much of your waking time is spent at work. Ask yourself what the most positive aspects of your job and the working environment are, and then consider what you may be able to do to make them more prominent.

For example, is there an aspect of the job for which others seem to hold you in high regard? Do people seek your advice on that topic? If so, try to encourage people to seek your advice even more, and show that you welcome it. At the same time, continue to build knowledge in that area of the work, and in others you think colleagues might later benefit from your increased knowledge. In so doing, though, remind yourself regularly that those people who are approaching you, do so because they respect your knowledge and opinion. Try to see yourself as they see you.

4. As a general rule, have an education plan for yourself so that, regardless of age, you are always growing as a person. Study aspects of self improvement, such as success strategies, alongside improving your knowledge and ability related to your chosen career path. All the time you will be building your own character, which in itself will help with your self confidence.

5. Use visualization to help you achieve the outward personality you would like others to see, and for you to see in yourself. Combined with meditation and relaxation techniques, visualization can be a very powerful mental tool when used regularly and consistently.

6. In conjunction with 5, sit down and make a plan to achieve a more positive self esteem and reach your personality goal. 5 years is a sensible time period to cover, but you will be able to work on parts of your plan immediately. Be determined that your plan will be implemented and become an integral part of your life.

Reducing the Negatives in Your Self Esteem

Having carried out the self examination discussed in Part you can also set about reducing the negative influences on your self esteem. Such influences can be in the form of individuals, groups of individuals, a work routine, a job or any other part of your life. Here are a few suggestions:

1. If one or more of the negative influences relate to your job, then bear that in mind when working on your plan. A more amenable job, even a new career, could make the world of difference to you. A fresh start in a new environment can make a big difference, and you can make the most of it, especially if you grasp the notion that you have an opportunity to project a new image, to people who do not know you.

It is best not to rush into the new job, but to plan what you need to do to get the new job you desire and need.

2. If you have "friends" or relatives who seem to drag you down for any reason, try to ease them out of your life. You have the right not to spend time with people who are a negative influence on your confidence or happiness.

3. If it is feasible, go travelling. By travelling, I do not mean going on a routine vacation with a lot of holidaymakers. That's not travelling. Try to go to a completely different type of country and culture, maybe a third world country, off the usual holiday track, but somewhere with the reputation of being hospitable. Go alone, and the people will welcome you, and see you as someone very special; they may even treat you like a prince or princess. In one fell swoop, you will be eliminating all the negative influences in one move, at least for 2 or 3 weeks.

Three weeks away in a different world should also gift you with a different perspective on life. You may well find that new perspective, when carried back home, will increase your confidence. Once you know you can be an adventurer, you may have the courage to carry that into other areas of your life.

The above, of course, are just a few ideas for a mild case of low self esteem. Extreme cases may require direct professional help. However, by utilizing some of the ideas from the two articles, you may at least get the process underway to increase your self esteem to a more pleasant level.

This low self esteem article was written by Roy Thomsitt, owner and part author of the Routes To Self Improvement website.

Do you want to learn to be a success in all aspects of your life? You can, and you can learn online at Success University. Enroll for a free trial now.

 

 

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